pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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