Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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