I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
