you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
