Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
