The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
