I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
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