No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
