Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
