I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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