My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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