Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
