This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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