I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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