Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
