thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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