You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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