Life is so much better after having sex.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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