Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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