if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
