they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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