Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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