I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
