I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
