he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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