A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
