Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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