I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
