Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
