are you still at the devil's house?
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize