...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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