How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.