i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.