Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
this will be a night to untag.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
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My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body