I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day