You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS