I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
