just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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