this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
