nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
