she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
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gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
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Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The ass gains better be worth it
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