I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
