So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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