the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
