I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
