i think my tv is drunk
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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