o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
