he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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