On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
