Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
