dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
