HIV tests are more positive than that guy
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
