Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
