Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
