I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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