the condom got lost in my hair
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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