the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
