Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She told me I should be a condom model.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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