Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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