It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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