so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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