Already got asked if we're dating
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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