David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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