Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
